


I want to walk but I run back to you

by girlsarewolves



Category: DCU (Comics), Deathstroke the Terminator (Comics)
Genre: (but she does and it's annoying), DC Comics Rebirth, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Emotionally Stunted Assassins, F/M, Father/Daughter Incest, Gen, Inappropriate Behavior, Incest, Introspection, Love/Hate, POV Second Person, Possible/Implied Grooming, Rebirth Era, Slade is an awful father and Rose is a confused daughter who doesn't want to care, inappropriate feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:14:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23250769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlsarewolves/pseuds/girlsarewolves
Summary: You tell yourself you don’t care. You don’t care what he thinks. Of you, of your love life, of your friends. Of your choices. You tell yourself he can go fuck himself, it’s not like he has any right to know you or be part of your life, let alone judge you or it.But there’s a constant nagging feeling at the back of your mind, like a fly buzzing around your head that you can’t swat away, and deep down you know.You care.
Relationships: Rose Wilson & Slade Wilson, Rose Wilson/Slade Wilson
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	I want to walk but I run back to you

**Author's Note:**

> Me reading the Deathstroke Rebirth comics was a mistake. Way too many inappropriate feels. This dynamic is so weird and messy and fascinating in all the dirtybadwrong ways. Slade is really trying for that 'World's Worst Villain Dad' mug, that's for sure. In the DC Universe tho he has some stiff competition.
> 
> Warning: this story is from Rose's POV and written in second person, and deals with incestuous feelings/attraction as well as mentions the idea of Slade 'grooming' Rose (tho, since it is from her POV, it is a biased and unreliable internal discussion on the subject).

* * *

You tell yourself you don’t care. You don’t care what he thinks. Of you, of your love life, of your friends. Of your choices. You tell yourself he can go fuck himself, it’s not like he has any right to know you or be part of your life, let alone judge you or it.

But there’s a constant nagging feeling at the back of your mind, like a fly buzzing around your head that you can’t swat away, and deep down you know.

You care.

When Wintergreen tells you that in Slade speak, ‘you’re stupid’ basically translates into ‘I’m worried about you’, you feel some of those barriers in place start to crumble. They were never put together well to begin with. Easy to build up and easier to tear down.

Shouldn’t they go up stronger each time instead of the other way around? But fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me has turned into thrice, four times, five, who’s counting anymore?

Slade, probably.

You can’t help but think no matter how many times he fucks you and your brother over, and how many times he tries to worm his way back in, he’s never, _ever_ lost track of the chances he’s gotten over the years.

Fuck him.

Damn it all though, cause you can’t think those thoughts. Cause then your brain goes down all sorts of fucked up roads - and you want to blame it on how old you were by the time you finally met him, or how little you saw of him, or how Wintergreen has always been more of a father to you, or the inappropriate moments Slade has scattered throughout your relationship.

It’s not normal to break into your daughter’s apartment while she’s sleeping beside her partner, dressed in skimpy pajamas while you’re decked out in full assassin gear that covers you head to toe. It sure as hell isn’t normal to stand naked in the hotel room you’re sharing with your daughter (while looking into the hit on her that is technically yours). It’s not normal to go undercover as a couple, a hand warm and strong and firm on the exposed skin of her back thanks to the backless dress (that you picked out). 

You’d like to shout all of this at him, but every inappropriate moment over the years doesn’t take away the guilt that rests heavy in the pit of your stomach over the fact that maybe your mind has wandered to fucked up places.

It’s not grooming. Not...exactly. You don’t think. You know what grooming is, and this doesn’t feel quite right, doesn’t feel habitual enough, or conscious enough.

Slade is a lot of things. A slut, definitely. A pervert, okay yeah. A creep, absolutely. Not to mention killer and all around bad guy. Super villain was the term Wintergreen used, said was the most apropos.

But you just don’t think he was ever really trying to use those moments to make you _want_ him, in that way, it's just that he's too fucked up to know what’s appropriate and what isn’t. Or that’s what you tell yourself, to feel better, to hate him a little less - because after all these years and all those hurts, you don’t want to hate your father anymore than you want to want your father.

You tell yourself you don’t care. Not hating Slade and not caring about him or what he thinks are two different things.

That nagging feeling, buzzing around your head like flittering pests, doesn’t go away, and deep down, you know you can’t keep lying to yourself.

You care what he thinks.

You hate him.

And you want him in so many wrong ways, because you love him, but like Slade himself, it’s all fucked up and comes out wrong.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm still working my way through Rebirth Deathstroke, and I swore there was a time where Slade and Rose went undercover as a couple to some gala or something. However, I cannot for the life of me remember when it took place, or if it was maybe n52 or before, so my apologies if I got my continuities or my timeline mixed up. (I mean it certainly feels like it'd fit in with Rebirth Slade and Rose at least?)


End file.
